I have been writing for years now
on being physically disabled. Most who follow my blog are aware that I am also
mentally disabled. I suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and
Clinical Major Depression. I also have a degree in psychology and am fortunate
enough to have many around me who love and support me. I have a husband who
helps remind me to take my medications and a great therapist who specializes in
PTSD and cognitive therapy which has been the best approach for me dealing with
the 18 years of physical, mental, emotional abuse and the rape and torture I
suffered at the hands of my biological family. I am well aware that I am
screwed up. Not by choice, most certainly; however, as an adult thriver (one
who has transmuted past trauma and turned that into fertile soil to thrive –
going beyond surviving) of incest it is my job to be responsible for my here
and now and I work hard to do so.
I am also physically disabled
with a rare genetic condition called Dysautonomia, also called Neurocardiogenic
Syncope. I am not as vigilant in my self-care of my physical disorders as I am
with my mental ones and am striving to changes this again with the help and
support of a close knit family I have chosen and friends who love me.
I have written in the past about
prejudices I suffer because of my physical and mental illnesses. I have even
discussed these prejudices with my therapist who also suffers from MS which has
caused physical transformations that you cannot miss when you meet him.
What I haven’t talked about is
how these conditions are dealt with in my spiritual community. I am a witch, a
Wiccan and a Pagan. Being a spiritual movement that is generally accepting of
much that is considered outside the norm of society, I have come across three
distinct views of long term physical and mental illnesses all of which I have
touched on at one time or another.
1. You are not
witch enough – the idea that if I was more enlightened, more witchy or pagany
or spiritually right then I would not suffer from these issues – anyone
inflicted with physical or mental illness that are long term, in fact, should
just be a better witch.
2. If only
you would….. – being in a spiritual realm where there is a lot of healing focus
and different healing modalities, most people say this to be helpful. If you
would only (fill in the blank) then you would be healed. This reminds me of
tent revivals I went to as a child where if an affliction wasn’t healed by the
circuit preacher then it was a lack of faith – only we pagans are too sensitive
to suggest this out right so instead we suggest a list a mile long with an
assumption that one of those things would work. My problem with this is that
everything about our lives is a lesson – and if my illness that has physical
roots as well as psychological traumatic roots was completely curable, I
wouldn’t take the cure. I am learning from my life. I could do better at
managing my conditions and I try. I am not, however, broken. Do not try to fix
me.
3. A
general avoidance – My sister Crystal Blanton is writing about instances of
prejudice she has suffered because she is black. In one she describe being
isolated at a family funeral by a relative of her husband (who is white)
because of her color. It is this issue that I have been thinking about a lot and
this issue that has triggered this blog. This issue that I haven’t been willing
to look into the mirror and name as something I do. This issue that author DJ
Conway brought to a head for me on Facebook.
General Avoidance –
Prejudice against the Mentally and Chronically Ill
Conway posted a link which is a discussion regarding a
paranoid schizophrenic having easy access to weapons. She then posted the
following comments and had the following comments posted in response.
Please be aware that anyone diagnosed as paranoid
schizophrenic will label certain other people as the cause of their problems
& never change that decision. They should be avoided. I know from
experience. & a great many of them have guns in their homes.
from Yahoo! News?
Penny - I
have both a cousin and a brother in law with paranoid schizophrenic... and
neither one is violent, or prone to it.. most mentally ill are NOT violent..
most are often the Victims of said violence.... One violent person is NOT the
norm for all.. my husband was mentally ill... and he was NOT violent...
it is the stigma of stereotyping that keeps many from getting help, it is the broken, overloaded, understaffed, underfunded mental health system that keeps them on the streets, and it is the lack of caring, compassionate people that keeps them victims.
it is the stigma of stereotyping that keeps many from getting help, it is the broken, overloaded, understaffed, underfunded mental health system that keeps them on the streets, and it is the lack of caring, compassionate people that keeps them victims.
7 hours ago
· Unlike · 2
D.j. Conway
I'm NOT labeling mentally disabled people as violent, Penny. Statistics say
that paranoid schizophrenics of certain types are dangerous to the ones they
believe are the source of their problems.
Penny the
key here is "of certain types"... and those types are very rare...
you wrote anyone diagnosed as... not certain types of... anyone is not certain
types...
Becca I
cannot believe what you just said. "They should be avoided" That is
entirely unfair, especially as you are a teacher in the pagan community. After
the shootings last summer, Autistics were labeled as "dangerous" too.
Wanna know how many times people ask if I am scared of my children? Then I come
on here and you are throwing anyone who suffers from this condition under the
bus???? Shame on you Conway, shame on you. It makes me sad that I have so many
of your books when you can throw a blanket of hate over those with mental
issues and ask those who follow you to do the same.
38 minutes ago
· Unlike · 1
Dia Nettles Crabtree I
agree with the above. I have thoroughly enjoyed much of your work and long
recommended your work. My brother in law is an undiagnosed schizophrenic and
dealing with him as been filled with heartbreak. Watching him for signs of
violence and watching him deliberately isolate himself from family while trying
to cope with a reality that isn't the same as everyone else has been
heartbreaking. It has worn heavily upon my husband. Knowing that this haunting
illness is hereditary - watching my nephew deal with the beginnings of this
illness is also horrible. I agree that most schizophrenic who are not highly
functioning can be destructive and their illness is just that an illness. It
isn't a result of choice. It is a result of a brain condition that was born
into them and the treatments for these types of conditions or terribly
complicated. In "When Why If" you talk extensively about harming none
and what it really means. This type of indiscriminate categorization of a group
of people perpetuates fear and does not promote solutions to those who have
these illnesses and those who have the burden of dealing with loved ones
inflicted. I agree heartily with Becca - As a leader in the pagan community
this opinion is clearly harmful, hurtful and should probably be best kept to
ones self. This is not a public service to anyone. This is a sign of a
prejudice and a perpetuation of stereotypes and myths that might be best
examined in relationship to past experiences and compassion for those who have
to figure out how to love and care for those so afflicted. I know that dealing
with the mentally ill within the pagan community is challenging and finding and
setting boundaries in a compassionate way is further challenging. Yet - as
ministers, as worshippers of the Divine spark in everything, do we not have a
duty to find constructive ways to approach these issues without furthering
destructive attitudes and prejudices. How can we approach families and offer
support if our attitudes are colored by negative examples that do not rise
above what is commonly accepted? As witches can we not transmute numbers into a
look at compassion and solutions and ways in which pagan communities can
healthily deal with these human beings and small reflections of the Divine?
Their illnesses have not placed them at some rung lower than us or other than
us. I am not sure I have a good answer on successfully dealing with mental
illness in the pagan community. Perhaps this is the discussion you meant to
start?
HERE IS THE THING
– I have
DONE so much worse than what was SAID –
Reading Crystal’s posts have perhaps made me hyper aware of
how easy it is to be, in general, unkind. It is easy to mean. It is easy to isolate
those who are different or express different opinions. It is easy to ignore those who need more help from us than we know how to
give. Our lack of knowledge leads to a sense of unease and the unease often is
transmuted into actions that aren’t helpful or loving or compassionate.
My most recent transgression
involves Jesus’s Shaman. Until Conway’s post I hadn’t thought about him other
than some weird and often aggressive guy who comes to a weekly local meet and
greet that I feel like I have to watch out for incase he makes women
uncomfortable. This isn’t an arbitrary issue. Women have approached the
organizer and told her he makes them uncomfortable. When he isn’t around I have
gladly joined in “good natured” making fun of him with everyone else. I, can’t
even give a real name for him because I don’t know it. He is Jesus’s Shaman to
me because when I asked what path he followed he said, “I am a shaman.”
Having Cherokee blood, greatly
diluted and having read many essays on how strongly some American Indians feel
about Europeans high jacking their traditions, I asked who named him shaman.
“Jesus.”
Bloated with my self-righteousness,
my own knowledge of occult, my own personal background I lambasted him and then
swiftly dismissed him as nothing more than something to be avoided and someone
that the group needs to run interference against.
It was the last event I attended
where I witnessed a person I greatly admire interacting with Jesus’s Shaman
that I began to get a reality check and see this young man through a different
light. No one has better energy than Dancing Bear and I watch as Jesus’s Shaman
looked at me with some fear hiding behind the shadow of the formidable presence
of Dancing Bear. I suddenly realized, Jesus’s Shaman was afraid of me. I have
instilled fear – not compassion in him.
I have enough training to know that
he is probably dealing with some mental illness and I know facts about his life
that tell me it has not been easy and his difficulties started as a teenager
and have been compounded by some truly horrific events. All of this I kicked
under the bus and ignored.
Until today. The problem isn’t just
Jesus’s Shaman – it is also a beautiful woman in Tennessee I lost my friendship
with. She was yet again someone who seemed to live with a mental disorder and
wasn’t really addressing it. In my third degreeitis stage, I tried to fix her.
Many years later it occurred to me – if I do not need fixing then who was I to
decide who needed fixing and who didn’t? I am glad that others were around this
wonderful person and assured her that I didn’t represent the whole of the pagan
view on who she was. I did offer
apologies and I am well aware that I lost a loyal friend forever because of my
high handed callousness.
This brought me to a realization
that has been really bothering me as I have lounged on the beach with my family
on vacation.
I am compassionately fickle. To
some degree, perhaps we all are.
How easily we are to condemn the
words of others without being accountable for the actions of ourselves? I have
seen this state of missing compassion in my own child. I am coming to realize
that his missing compassion is a reflection on my compassion fickleness. My
love that has been selective. My word that has been inconsistent.
I have so many things running in my
head around these issues. How do you deal with someone who is mental ill and could
become a problem with a community? How do you set and hold boundaries in
compassion? How can you define boundaries to ensure that you are setting
boundaries and holding boundaries for yourself and NOT projecting the needs of
for boundaries – actions or behavior on others? How do you stop yourself from
trying to fix everyone? How do groups deal with persons who are mentally ill in
compassion and love while protecting the interests and safety of the group?
What do I do about Jesus’s Shaman?
I can apologize, however, I honestly believe I have done damage – again – that
will not be easily remedied. I can stop talking about him in negative ways
behind his back and encourage others to do the same. I can find the threads of
compassion given to me and offer them to him. I can follow Dancing Bear’s lead
and see if that doesn’t create a compassion in me that is constant. I can hope
that Dancing Bear isn’t as callously compassionless to me as I have been to
Jesus’s Shaman. I can try to keep this lesson in my front lobe and subconscious
so when I face it again I do not fail another person who is mentally ill.
I can say this… DJ Conway is an
awesome writer and I have lots of her books. I can completely
understand how scary and irritating the mental ill are to deal with. I am sure
she is the type of person who is trying to figure out ways to have compassion
while maintaining safety for herself and those she is Priestess to. I agree
that the mentally ill should have restricted access to weapons that can cause
harm, especially guns that even includes me.
And what I have done far outstrips
a few words she had to say about guns in the hands of paranoid schizophrenics.
Perhaps the mirror Conway is holding is one we can all look into and ask
ourselves – are we living and dealing it the mentally and chronically ill with
as much compassion as we believe we are entitled to? If we are not – we can
focus on that and simultaneously offer love, compassion and understanding to
everyone we know, in every situation we are in with every opportunity we have.
At the very least – we can try. In
the trying, we can learn. In the learning, we might find the compassion we lack
for ourselves that causes us to have a compassion deficit for others.
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