One woman's journey and dawning realization of the slow destruction of her spirit while trapped in the jaws of disability.

Disability is at first an affliction of the body, then a state of mind and finally a shackle upon the spirit.

Lydia M N Crabtree, 2012

Friday, February 8, 2013

Energy Tokens

I have been exhausted. I have tried to write this blog several times and have been so tired that I only get a few lines out before I give it up. My husband encouraged me to write the blog for as long as I am able.

My life daily is filled with Energy Tokens. I get up and know what activities are facing me that day and then decide how to utilize the energy I can feel my body has available. When I am having a good day, I wake with lots of energy tokens. However, nothing compares to the tokens I used to wake with. If we take 100% as the way we wake when we feel good, then we convert that to tokens, you might wake with 100 tokens.

Some of us Type A personalities wake with 150 tokens or more a day. Having been that person living in my new normal of good days only having 75 to 80 tokens is frustrating.

Then I get sick after enjoying the 75 to 80 token days and get even more frustrating with having only 30 or 40 tokens.

For most of us sleep and food will regenerate the tokens at our disposal. For those with a chronic condition, we don't regenerate the tokens at the same rate. Sleep makes up for some missing tokens which is why I take naps on a daily basis and I wake frustrated that I didn't get more tokens back than I do.

I have gotten to where I am less upset about being sick and more upset about the debilitating effects the illness has on me. When I want to write and literally can't get my tired brain to contribute, it makes me crazy.  Conversely when I have full token days consistently, I get crazy annoyed when they go away. I feel like a failure.  My family gets used to 75 to 80 token Dia and then sudden have to pick up my slack around the house. When friends and family all whom I don't get to speak with often I find myself giving any tokens I have to them desperate to reconnect in any way possible.

This is one of the daily challenges for the chronically ill. And I don't write this to discourage family and friends from reaching out to the chronically ill. Facebook is a goddess send to the chronically ill. It takes less tokens to check Facebook and to send encouragement and love through Facebook than any other way. If you could send love or affection on Facebook actually revives our tokens as well.

People ask me all the time, "What can I do?" So send some love to those you know who are chronically ill on Facebook and think of it like giving them one energy token.  You can give an energy token a day by sentiments of love and encouragement to your friends on Facebook or by giving them a quick text on their phone. Especially if you wake with over 100 tokens a day, giving tokens of love to others when it costs you next to nothing, is the very best thing you do. Have you given a love token today?


  1. I followed a link to your Wildwood Tarot post and continued on to read this one. I've had Lupus and Fibro for a while now. I understand.
    I just wanted to take a moment to send you loving and understanding energy.

    1. Thank you! I am part of a group putting together an anthology regarding spirituality and disability and/or chronic illness. Perhaps you would like to contribute to the point of view? You can reach me at

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