One woman's journey and dawning realization of the slow destruction of her spirit while trapped in the jaws of disability.

Disability is at first an affliction of the body, then a state of mind and finally a shackle upon the spirit.

Lydia M N Crabtree, 2012

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Learning to Live Again

I've been thinking on this topic for a while. So much empowerment has come from honest communication about my medical situation. The only think I haven't talked about is my compromised immune system. I am currently trying to get as treatment for that and it has required a lot of back and forth with the insurance company. We are continuing to fight for the treatment. In the past twelve months I have had over a dozen different documented infections. This is because I am lacking in the immune response called IgA. I am also IgG deficient. The hope is that if we can get treatment for my immune system, then we can see a significant improvement to my overall health.

I have been trying hard to do more - exercise more, eat better. Today, the last remnants of years of abuse evidenced on my teeth were finally erased. I am really excited about this. Having the ability to care for your teeth is a thing that makes me feel worthy. There is also something very significant about having your tooth decay dug out on Samhein and cleaned and replaced. Made me feel like my teeth were symbolic of the new year.

My boy's new found devotion to Divinity is such a breath of fresh air that I can't help but be ecstatic about it. It has breathed new devotion into my own spirit.

Mostly I am having to learn again how to have a life while managing a long term debilitating illness. My Family Coven are making strides and I am still doing to much on a daily basis; however, we are learning tricks and tips toward organizing life to all our benefits while meeting every one's needs.

I have had some intense visions and dreams surrounding my patron God and Goddess. I can feel a peace and a certainty that we are provided for and will be provided for. It is a solidness I rest in.

Blessed be the time of the dying off of the old
The time of the welcoming of the new
Renewal of all that has been good and right
A breaking away from strife and spite.

Blessed be the last harvest that provides
For the long winter tides
A guarantee that with this harvest
Our bellies will be full, our minds at rest.

Blessed be the Lady, Crone, Dying Midwife,
She who walks not only the dead to rest but our strife away
Blessed be the Lord, Sage, Who stays with us
Waiting to protect us against the shortest of days.

Blessed be the harvest we can finally understand
That was planned, planted and begun before our needs could be named
And here our horn is full, our life over flowed
As the Old Year leaves and the New Year Reigns

Blessed be, the old, named and un-named,
Dead and dying
We honor you for all you were knowing that the link between all we are and have is tied irrevocably to death's we have had.

No comments:

Post a Comment