One woman's journey and dawning realization of the slow destruction of her spirit while trapped in the jaws of disability.

Disability is at first an affliction of the body, then a state of mind and finally a shackle upon the spirit.

Lydia M N Crabtree, 2012

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Judgement and Illness

          Today I came across another person who equated health with spiritual development and well being. The kicker? I had suggested she read the book she got the information from.

          I had my normal first reaction which is, "There they go again blaming people who are sick for not being in integrity with themselves and for not being spiritually evolved."

          Only this time before this extremely familiar rant finished it's lap around my head, I realized something. I just spent an entire weekend trying to get into integrity with myself. I banished at the new moon a whole list of things that I believed I had lost my integrity over.

          On the heels of this sobering revelation was another thought. The person posting was excited about something they had found on their spiritual path and wanted to share. It wasn't about me.

          This weekend, I sent a whole lot of apology or here is an olive branch or I suck and you should never be my friend and I am sorry letters. I wanted to find a way to set my spiritual past behind me in some kind of order. To own who I am today, acknowledge the harm I had committed intentionally or unintentionally and make amends and then use that as a platform to move forward.

          I received various levels of response back. Some were accepting, others skeptical and a few are simply silent. One however, told me how they had written and re-written replies to me giving me various words of wisdom around the fallacies of the past and the growth of the present. Then they wrote:

          "You don't need to hear any of that stuff. You're doing the work. You're growing. And have the courage."

          These Goddess-like words were dead on. When you are ill spiritually, emotionally, mentally, you tend to believe it is all about you. Everything that happens is something important just for you. When the truth is as we interact with others all those interactions are really about the other person. You just happen to be the mirror of the moment.

          Conversely the same is true. As you study others and respond to them and realize what they are doing and going through, they become a mirror for you.

          It is in this mirrored worked that we begin to understand things about ourselves and others. More importantly over time we realize what issues and responses are our own and what issues and responses are another’s.

          Being clear on these things will toughen you up a bit. Suddenly every comment and remark isn't some negative thought manifested about the type of person you are. You can listen and watch others growth without anger, jealousy or even agreement. You are just watching them bloom.

          Being clear on these things will soften you to others. When you know what issues, beliefs and feelings are really yours, then the benefit of interacting with others quadruples. You have a clear head and can say, "That is their issue, not mine. My issue is X."

          This improves communication and brings upon you a bout of spiritual freedom that is undeniable. You feel cleanse and refreshed like you spent days in the rain and now the sun is drying you and your judgments’ of yourself and others are evaporating off your skin, allowing a glow to replace that misty fog.


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